


Life Imitating Art (The Right Broom)

by Thomas McQuinn (AtrydvonAschoen)



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-11
Updated: 2010-08-11
Packaged: 2017-10-11 01:18:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/106680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtrydvonAschoen/pseuds/Thomas%20McQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Karkat wants to do is watch his damn romantic comedies in peace.<br/>He never expected he'd find someone to watch them with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Life Imitating Art (The Right Broom)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [northernVehemence](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=northernVehemence).



> For the record, this is a response to a request to write a story around this picture:  
> http://img443.imageshack.us/i/dsc00562xh.jpg  
> in my immutably saccharine shippy style.
> 
> I wound up turning it into a Karkat/Nepeta shipfic instead, because I am a hopeless romantic.

Something just wasn't right.

It felt... unnatural. Something about the whole situation bugged him.

Maybe it was just because he never thought of her as the kind of person he could go to for this. After all, he had always been rather terse with her. She was cute enough, even if her roleplaying habits were just a little disturbing.

But maybe... maybe things were meant to be this way.

She was amicable enough. She understood why he wanted secrecy; it was one thing to discuss the subject matter, another entirely to view it. Her enthusiasm was mildly infectious, even. He almost felt he could relax a bit in her presence.

"Hey Karkitty? Pass the popcorn."  
"Yeah."

Not tearing his eyes from the flickering monitor before them, he picked up the half-empty bowl and handed it over to Nepeta, for the first time that evening not objecting to the pet name she'd picked for him. It hadn't stopped her the last dozen times, and (some small part of him felt... fuzzy... to think of it) he found himself growing fond of the nickname.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have a relationship like one of those in the movies they were watching. With her? Why not? The world was fucked up as it was. Maybe something could turn out right in their little slice of hell. Maybe if he got lucky, things would work out.

The first night was a rough one. It had been hell dealing with the humans, watching John as he fucked up spectacularly, going backwards to try and find the point at which everything went to hell. He had needed some sort of break. A way to unwind.

A deal with Sollux had netted him an extra computer in his room. Sure, he had to procure some extra junk for the two-toned sssibilant, but that was no big deal. After the experience of working with the carcinogenetic clone maker, he had a fucking Ph.D. in Appearifier manipulation.

Beyond that, after he spent a little time playing with it, he'd figured out how to gain access to human television, and shortly, human movies. It amazed him that the pink little monkey-bastards hadn't been through so many movie titles that they became descriptive. 

He was absolutely floored to find that they still produced romantic comedies, even up until the time of the kids' SBURB session. In minutes, he had a simple streaming set-up going. He could watch every romcom humanity ever produced, all from the comfort of his room. And so it was, seated on his bed (strange things, these padded platforms, but they somehow evoked the same clear-mindedness that sleeping in sopor slime provoked, without the annoying cleanup), wrapped up in a blanket and munching popcorn while watching _Romancing the Stone_, when Nepeta burst through the door and slammed it shut behind her.

Karkat stared at her like a deer caught in headlights, a fistful of popcorn halfway to his mouth. It dropped listlessly from his grip, kernels bouncing about down the front of his shirt.

Nepeta's eyes took a moment to adjust to the half-darkness, but when they did, she saw his face contort, saw him take a deep breath, and could practically feel the radiating fury. She was across the room in an instant, her hands clamping over his mouth as she gave him her best kitty-eyed expression.

"Please please please don't yell and scream at me Karkat I promise I won't tell anyone but I made Equius angry about something or at least I think I made him angry and I'm hiding from him and he was chasing me and this was the only place I could hide so please don't make any loud noise that could make him come in here I promise I won't say a word please please PLEASE--" She wheezed, started to draw a deep breath, but stopped before she could say anything else as Karkat's hands came up to grip her wrists and pull them away from his face. His expression was a combination of confusion, suspicion, and mild shock.

"What the fuck did you do to piss off that musclebrained asshole so much that he'd chase you?" he hissed, low and accusatory. At his silent statement, she relaxed visibly, uttering a sigh.

"I... kinda... pointed out how Aradia was even better suited as a redrom for Sollux now that she was not-a-sprite-but-not-a-ghost. Since he's the only one that can physically touch her when she's not inhabiting the robot, I mean? And then he went all BLUH RAWR SWEATY ANGRY and started screaming at me, and I ran away, and I got scared and I started looking for a place to hide and I couldn't hide in my room because he'd go there and Terezi's in the computer room so her room is locked and--" she found a hand clapped over her mouth almost immediately, and her eyes (which had been darting about as she started rambling nervously) flitted back up to Karkat's face in time to see his eye twitching.

"Look. Just... calm down. It's fine. Horsedongs will get tired of looking for you eventually. If you need to hide, you can hide in here. Just don't bother me. I'm busy," he added, guardedly.

Nepeta nodded, slowly. Karkat seemed to relax. "Good. Now--"

Something wet and warm slithered across the palm of his hand.

With a noise like a strangled duck, he snatched his hand away from her mouth, and she grinned sheepishly, licking popcorn butter-salt from her lips. "Sorry," she mumbled, and shied away from him as he grumbled angrily to himself, wiping at his pants leg ineffectually as she shuffled to one side, curling up on the bed and resting her head on his knee. He glared down at her.

"What the hell are you doing?" he growled. She only nuzzled her head against his knee lightly and reached up to dig a handful of popcorn from the bowl in his lap, munching it happily as she watched the movie. Karkat rolled his eyes and crammed another fistful in his mouth angrily, redirecting his attention to Michael Douglas and his attempts to woo Kathleen Turner.

\---

From that day, it had become something of a ritual for the two of them. After Karkat got done trying to figure out how best to explain to John what a complete and utter idiot he was, he would adjourn to his room, make popcorn (yet another small deal, although this time it was with Equius-- a deal he never planned to consummate if he could help it), pick out a movie, and two hours later, Nepeta would show up. After the third night, he stopped protesting when she'd sit leaned up against him.

They would enjoy a romcom together, maybe two if they weren't particularly tired, and even spent one night into the wee hours of the morning talking about the movies, even once dozing off during a movie (he refused to admit that waking up sprawled out with her like that was mildly pleasant, even to himself).

Their interactions outside of his room were no different from ordinary, or so they thought. He'd be just as vinegar-pissed as always, even to her, and she would be her usual playful self. But the others saw something hidden there-- perhaps a little less vulgarity in his complaints to her, a little bit of a longer attempt to garner his attention. 

At one point, he even went so far as to help her back up when she tripped on a stray cord (although he berated her the entire time about her retarded clumsiness and how the fuck does someone trip on something so damn close to something anyway, for fuck's sake I mean it's practically attached to the damn table, just be careful next time).

Equius wasn't blind. He could see there was a connection forming between the two. A part of him wanted to step in; to interject before she made a mistake. Another part of him silently applauded her broadening her friendship with others, rationalizing that here in the Veil, there was a need for friendship when all they had left was the twelve of them. Besides, Vantas certainly acted like he had the blood of a higher-born, even if his guttermouth got away with him sometimes.

A brief accident in the kitchen, however, brought about a change of heart.

The duty of cleaning up after the day's nourishment consumption had fallen to Karkat that evening. Complaining as he always did, he piled the dishes together into the basin and filled it with hot water and soap, rolling up his sleeves and setting to work with a dish-rag; he couldn't get done fast enough. 

That evening they were due to watch _Hitch_. He'd already seen the troll version of the movie before; it was one of the posters affixed to his wall back in his respiteblock, before the whole SGRUB fiasco. He had enjoyed the hell out of that movie, and he was going to enjoy it that night. 

So caught up was he in his stupid damn daydream that he accidentally cut his hand with one of the cooking implements. Looking about furtively, he uttered a few choice curses under his breath and held his hand under the flowing tap, cleaning the cut while digging in a drawer for a bandage. 

It was a small cut, not worth bothering with under ordinary circumstances, but even something that small would betray his blood anonymity. He carefully applied a bandage to the injury, oblivious to a single drop of blood that landed on the floor. Quickly finishing the dishes as best he could with a bandaged hand, he left them to dry and shuffled out of the kitchen, already planning the evening.

He didn't notice Equius entering the kitchen from the other doorway. Didn't see the blueblood notice him leaving. 

Didn't see him noticing the candy-red blood spot on the floor, drying rapidly.

\---

Nepeta was actually already waiting in the room with the popcorn ready when he arrived. He would've been bothered had it been anyone else, but he felt strangely... happy about it, for some reason. He pushed it aside as anticipation for the movie. Less planning, less waiting, and he could watch the movie sooner.

Halfway through the movie (and the popcorn bowl), and they had shifted from shoulder-to-shoulder sitting to practically cuddling. It was a subtle change, one that neither had really noticed; one little scooch here, a nudge there, and in very little time, Nepeta was lightly hugging his arm, her head propped on his shoulder. He found himself inadvertantly resting his own head against hers, mindful of her horns.

Will Smith was hopped up on cough medicine on the monitor. They shared a laugh at his drunken antics.

Then the door came off its' hinges.

Both of them jumped at the sound of Karkat's door being torn free. Nepeta's immediate reaction was to try and hide behind Karkat; to his credit, his reaction was to go for his sickle, but no, it was hanging on a rack among the rest of them across the room, along with Nepeta's hat. The light flicked on with a distinct _crack_, and the switch fell to the floor, having been snapped by the simple movement Equius used to turn it. At the sight of him, Karkat bristled.

"What the fuck are you doing? That was my goddamn door!" He stood up from the bed, glaring up at the taller troll, but was nudged roughly aside with a squawk.

"Nepeta, we are leaving at once," Equius said, reaching out and gripping her coat. She yelped in surprise as she was roughly hauled up off the bed, but to her credit was able to resist a little, pulling against him.

"Oww! Equius, that hurts!" She gripped at his hand, trying ineffectually to dislodge his grip. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

"I will not have you fraternizing with this trash-blooded imbecile. I forbid it." Equius turned and pulled again, but abruptly felt the wind get knocked out of him. Releasing Nepeta, he clutched at his stomach, an incredulous look on his face as he stared at Karkat, standing before him with bruised knuckles.

"You dare to strike me? You, who have the lowest blood of us all? Do you have any idea how foolish you--" he didn't finish the sentence. In a blind rage, Karkat balled up his fists and lashed out-- a right-handed uppercut to the stomach, followed by a left hook across the face. Equius' glasses flew off from the impact. 

Before the strong troll had a chance to gather his wits about him, another blow landed across his face, this time to the left. Each impact heralded a cracking of bone; each strike shattered Karkat's knuckles a little more. But he kept swinging anyway.

"BLUE-BLOODED... SELF RIGHTEOUS... FUCKING POMPOUS... SON OF A BITCH!" Each hit was punctuated with another angry shout. Winded, unable to swing any more, he let his arms hang limp, gasping for breath. Equius was seated on the floor against the far wall, his nose misaligned, a few more teeth missing, and a look of profound shock on his face. Rivulets of blue ran down his lips from his nose, and one eye was beginning to swell. 

Karkat's hands were a swirl of blue, red, and purple from the cuts on his fists as he raged at the stunned troll.

"I don't give a fuck what color your blood is, you bulgesucking cockmonger! News flash! NOBODY FUCKING CARES! WE'RE THE ONLY FUCKING PEOPLE LEFT ALIVE IN THIS FUCKING GALAXY!" Karkat's face was turning red. He felt as if he was going to explode. Grabbing a chair, he hoisted it over his head. "FUCK your GOD-DAMN BLOOD CASTE BULLSHIT!"

A whimper, soft but frightened, halted his swing. The color drained from his face, and he let the chair fall to one side as his arms swung limp. Turning, he found his own surprised gaze met with Nepeta, wide-eyed and scared half to death, curled up in the back corner of his bed and shaking like a leaf. He had scared her. What's more, he had scared himself.

It was about that point that the adrenaline rush hit its' peak. The color drained from his face, and with a whimper and a crash, Karkat hit the floor in pitch darkness.

\---

_Any guy can sweep any girl off her feet, he just needs the right broom._  
What the fuck?  
_Like I always tell my clients: 'begin each day as if it were on purpose.'_  
That sounds like... no, it couldn't be.  
_It's not longer your job to make her like you. It's your job not to mess it up._  
You can't judge me! I... wait... what?  
_That's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly. Because otherwise, you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the hell did I jump?_  
...why did I go ballistic on him like that, anyway?  
_I need you to wrap your head around this._  
...it wasn't because he was spouting that stupid blood-caste shit again.  
_Try harder, stupid._  
It was because he was hurting her.  
_One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just... one shot, to make the difference between happily ever after, and oh, he's just some guy..._  
It wasn't because somehow Equius figured out about my blood. It was because she was scared. It was because I didn't want her to have to put up with him any more.  
_Since when do we get anything right the first time?_  
I was so caught up in my anger that I scared her. I was no better than him.  
_Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?_  
No... I am better than him.  
_Well, that's for damn certain._  
I guess I like her after all...  
_Oh, Karkitty..._  
Nepeta... I...  
"Karkat, wake up!"

\---

The world was a haze of light, all trying to get into his head at once. He winced as his eyes focused to the bright glare coming from somewhere to his left, and held up a hand to shield himself from the light. Somewhere above him, he heard a voice-- Nepeta's-- utter an exclamation; his pillow abruptly shifted itself, and the light flicked out, leaving him in near-darkness.

"What... ow..." he muttered, trying to flex his hands. Both of them felt like they were wrapped up in gauze, and for good reason: they were. He lifted them to his face, staring at the faint red splotching on the fabric dumbly. A pair of hands gently took his own, and his attention was drawn up from the hands to her catty smile above him.

"Feeling better?" She asked. He started to sit up, but only got halfway before the world decided to do a loop. He decided it would be better if he stayed down for a bit.

"Nepeta... I..." He couldn't find the right words. His mind was still hazy. She just smiled at him, gently stroking his cheek. "It's all right," she whispered. "Take your time."

After a few minutes, feeling that his thoughts were collected enough to try speaking straight, he sat up, slowly, and turned so that he was sitting adjacent to her. They were on his bed, and it was at that point that he realized he had been using her lap as a pillow. Looking around, he saw the dark smudges on the floor from his fight... but he couldn't figure out how the door had gotten back onto its' hinges.

Nepeta seemed to follow his train of thought. "Equius screwed the hinges back on. They were still intact, he had pulled the door so hard the screws snapped out." He turned a quizzical eye to her, and she blushed a soft green, averting her eyes.

"After you passed out, he told me that in light of your exceptional strength, he would overlook your blood color for my sake. He helped me get you onto the bed. Then he fixed the door and left," She added, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. "I went and got gauze and bandages to fix your hands... I've had to bandage him up often enough in the past that setting the fractures was easy. You'll have to avoid doing too much with your hands for a while though."

Karkat dumbly stared down at his hands for a moment or two, before looking back up to her abruptly, mouth opened to say something. "Nepeta, I--"

The world went blank. A taste, foreign, sweet, unique...

She parted the kiss after a few moments, and his brain came crashing back down from cloud nine as she did so. "I... buh... you... bluh..." he stammered eloquently.

After a moment of silence for the remaining family of the slain apology, she looked up from her lap with a sheepish grin.

"You... do know you talk in your sleep, right?"

"...huh."

_Life's not the amount of breaths you take. It's the moments that take your breath away._


End file.
